Its my first Saturday of "freedom".  My youngest child earned his driver's license yesterday.  He is already 18, this was the last small bit of control I maintained (that sounds awful to say, but isn't that really what parents struggle with when their children become adults?).

We went to the licensing center, I felt sick as I watched him take it.  Let's face it, its awful to have no control over a situation and have your child be disappointed.  I wanted him to pass so badly.  He bumped the curb, but pulled out and straightened up and parked "the beast" beautifully. 

We went for lunch to celebrate, then picked up my car at the shop.   As he walked to his car and I waled to mine, he stopped and hugged me.  He knew how I was feeling.   And then he pulled away.

And in perfect Matt style, he forgot to text me that he arrived safely.

Its the Tuesday of my favorite week of the year.   Every year, around the last week or so of September, the weather seems to turn cooler and two events take place:  The local Street Fair and the Bloomsburg Fair.  Both are favorite events of mine and I am so very excited for this weekend.

In other news, I found out my surgery date, and it will be October 14th.  I will be missing a conference I really wanted to attend, but I'll also be missing a few days of work which makes me very happy.  I find myself counting down the days to a day off. 

My son will be my responsible adult, now that he is 18.  He is supposed to be with his dad, but he agreed to stay with me that day/night to help with the dogs. 

I very much dread going to work, though nothing bad really happened yesterday, and nothing bad happens most days.  I enjoy the patients, and usually end up smiling and laughing during most visits.  But my soul is in cancer care, and I need to get back there.

Empty nest?

A month ago, my youngest child turned 18.  I am no longer responsible for children.  I have been a parent since I was 19 years old.  I have struggled to do what was best for them for so long that I don't know how to do what is best for me.

I read a recent message board post about "Blooming where you are planted".  This really got me thinking.  For the last 8 years I have been struggling to keep a home together, a home which is now much too large for me.  We moved here as a family 15 years ago, because the location was idea for raising a family.  We are within walking distance to stores, playgrounds and the schools.  Now I spend most of my time here with my dogs and the only benefit is the large fenced in yard for them to play in.

My dream is to move to coastal Nova Scotia.   I don't know how to make this happen.  What happens if I pick up and move there, and really its no different than living here?   Shouldn't I be blooming where I am?

I need to start thinking about why I want to move there, and if that truly is what I want, what do I need to do to make it happen?  Do I do it now, or wait until I retire?  My nursing licenses don't transfer to Nova Scotia, that's important.   Can I manage winters there?

Meanwhile, I should be making my home my sanctuary.

So, no longer responsible for children, no significant other to take into consideration, I can truly do what's right for me.  Why is that so uncomfortable?

This will be on my mind today